The orange butterfly was sitting on my driveway when I pulled my car out of the garage that morning. When I returned eight hours later, it was in the same spot — on a blue drainspout between the two garage doors. “The wing is ripped!” said my daughter as she crouched down to inspect the damage –forgetting that she is petrified of bugs. That feeling when I’m about to get… (continue reading) »
Dear Lauren, When you were little I didn’t ask you for much. Being a kid, you were strapped for cash and had no connections outside a four block radius so I really couldn’t hit you up for much. But I did ask you to do two things: Floss and Go To A Prestigious University. You floss. And now the chances of mouth bacteria lodging in your heart and killing you… (continue reading) »
That summer in London was gloomy. Forecasters said it was the worst weather in 300 years and depressed people were throwing themselves in front of trains during the morning commutes. Everyone looked slightly ill in that English bad teeth way and the constant rain was one of those annoying mists that didn’t require an umbrella. I had just graduated from college and had a summer job at an advertising agency… (continue reading) »
Dear Wall Street Occupiers: When I saw “Light Rain” in the forecast for your May Day protest — I knew the revolution was doomed. You seem like nice protestors who bitch on Skype late at night but enjoy staying toasty in bed during a damp morning. Nothing wrong with a little shut-eye unless you’ve promised the GLOBE to: Shut. Down. Manhattan. Some of you managed to set your alarms and… (continue reading) »
I was driving during an unusually cold and rainy day when I saw an old woman crumbled on the sidewalk in front of a pristine retirement condo building. She was motionless except every now and then she’d do this tai chi move where she’d slowly pick up her hand, stare at her palm and then put it down again. The rain made dozens of perfect dots on her new spring… (continue reading) »
I was standing in front of my house in California when a neighbor driving a Porsche convertible came to a screeching halt. She looked rich and recently exfoliated. Late afternoon sun hit strands of her hair making them sparkle as she tossed her head towards my moving van. “Where you going?” asked the married-for-money woman behind the wheel. “Maryland,” I monotoned. She cocked her head to one side. I could… (continue reading) »
Coming Soon… Stay Tuned!